Wah Wah
You've no doubt seen the recently published study of a UC-Berkeley psychologist, who after forty years of following the development of 100 children has concluded that whiny, fearful, insecure, rigid toddlers are highly likely to turn into whiny, fearful, insecure, rigid adults. No big shock.
More interesting, if no more surprising, is the fact that these whiny, fearful, rigid children grow up to identify strongly as political conservatives. To anyone who has seen in Don Rumsfeld's eyes the paranoid anxiety of the schoolyard weenie who has rightly received multiple beatings for attempting to regulate the playground behavior of everybody else, this also comes as no surprise.
You may suspect that some toddling boobsucker will grow up and send money to Focus on the Family, send their own kids to Patrick Henry College, and send other people's kids to distant lands in order to fight unnecessary wars. If so, here are a few other telltale signs:
* Shits in play area of other kids. Claims trip to toilet would place undue burden on shit production and result in the loss of shit jobs.
* When snacks are distributed, tries to convince other children that comparatively large lunch given to him by his parents is evidence that he also deserves a proportionally greater share of snacks. Takes snacks by force if necessary.
* Enjoys breast feeding, but claims that other children's exposure to breasts is indecent, dirty, and immoral.
* Avoids science class.
You probably know more children than we do, and have probably seen other symptoms of impending conservatism. Please share in the comments section so that everybody may benefit from your experience.
posted by Swill to Power at 6:27 PM
5 Comments:
Well, as a resident of Berkeley who knows a few teachers in the area, I think I can safely say that maladjusted youths here rebel against the dominant (in this case liberal) culture just as they tend to elsewhere. Alice Waters has the Berkeley High kids growing their own organic foods, fer cryin' in the night! Not that the social "sciences" don't come up with all sorts of important and rigorous findings.
But when social-scientist Jared Diamond's predicted Collapse occurs, you'll be begging those high school students to give you a few organic carrots in exchange for physics lessons. Although I suppose you'd be in a better position to build a trebuchet and take their gardens by force.
Either way, we'll be wearing leather chaps, brandishing crossbows and whipping about in our tricked-out dune buggies, so drop by and say hello.
Just so long as you're not hanging out in that cheesy Thunderdome.
Speaking of trading physics lessons for carrots, a friend of mine who was an astronomer and became a high school math teacher had his calculus students design and build a working trebuchet (which was about 2 feet high and could throw a golf ball quite a long way) for their class project. This confirms the old saw, "Give a man a trebuchet, and he can besiege for a day. Teach a man to build a trebuchet, and he can be a conqueror for life."
dear dude,
your researches are too painful. i love pain. wherethefuck did you git thaet sickass picture, man. where.
For those who attended Catholic school, or others with strict dress codes:
Senior student (or even teacher) liable to leap out from behind locker doors and insert hand in one's trouser pocket on pretext of confirming that one's trousers meet required wool content, while actually copping cheap feel. At the same time, is first to report any PDA witnessed, with no sense of hypocrisy.
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